Congratulations! You have just welcomed a brand new baby, a precious gift from heaven. Understandably you want to capture the moment, the fleeting smallness. Yet newborn photo sessions and prints can set you back hundreds of dollars if you choose a pro with a good reputation. With all the money you are dishing out on diapers and baby gear and RESPs, the thought of coughing up another $500 can make you want to run back to the hospital and get an epidural.
So what’s a parent to do? Take your own photos! This guide for amateurs will walk you through how to take professional style photos of your precious little one. Today we’ll outline what to expect in a photo shoot. Tomorrow we’ll cover a list of tips to ensure your photo shoot is a success.
Block off at least two afternoons of precious napping time. Instead of doing something pressing such as showering, iron a black sheet. Feed the baby. Drape the sheet over some chairs and use hair clips to secure it. Better yet, tape it to the fridge while ignoring the lunch dishes that are still on the counter. Next dump your children’s books out of the basket in the living room and spread the books all over the floor. Feed the baby again. While you are feeding the baby, browse Pinterest and YouTube for inspiration.
When the baby is well fed, stripped down and sleeping, take some test pictures. The lighting should be too bright. Now your living room is a mess and you have no photos. You are right on track.
Move half the mess to your bedroom and try there. The lighting will be too dark. Feed and redress your baby. While you do this, upload the test pictures. Delete them all. This is your first day’s task.
On the second day, get started sooner. The lighting should be perfect. Strip the baby down and get him into position. Just as you are ready to take the first shot, he should pee all over everything. End the photo shoot. Throw in a load of laundry. Feed your baby. While you are feeding your baby, browse Pinterest longingly. Check your bank account balance. On your way to change the baby’s diapers, trip over the pile of books. Put them all back in the basket. You have successfully completed your tasks for Day 2.
On the third day, decide to take a nap. On this afternoon, your baby will, after 5 minutes, decide not to nap. You will get neither rest nor photos, except for one of an empty basket. Listen to lullabies on YouTube and eat more banana bread than you’ll admit to.
On the fourth day day, pull the sheet out of the dryer. Don’t bother ironing it. Change your mind and use another wrinkled blanket instead. Dump the books out of the basket again. Take about 500 frames of three poses. When the baby is feeding, upload the pictures. They should look decent except for the wrinkled background, which, when combined with your ineptitude in Photoshop (and the fact that you don’t even have Photoshop) effectively renders them useless. Throw them all in the trash. Leave the books on the floor so that when unexpected company drops by, they think you’ve been stimulating your infant’s cognitive development instead of dragging him half-naked all over the house for days on end with nary a photo to show for it.
On the fifth day, pull some of the photos out of your trash bin and write a satirical blog post on newborn photography. You will feel better about yourself until you remember you need to send out birth announcements. Then go book a professional photo shoot.