Tonight we set up your bed. It is a portable, cozy bassinet that folds small enough to be tucked into a carry-on suitcase. I think you’ll be snug there, beside us. Now, though the walls around you will change, at least your little bed will stay the same. Your life may be like that bed though, portable, but always close to us.
Daddy kindly emptied two of his three dresser drawers for you. He scrounged up more hangers and piled things on shelves in the closets so I could place little stacks of your clothes within easy reach. Such tiny little socks you have. We want you to know we will make room for you. We will rearrange our plans and ideas so that your little feet can march through our hearts comfortably. We will juggle and shift so that you fit just right.
I erased about 400 pictures off of the camera so we’ll have enough space on the memory card for the first few days of your life. People say parents stop taking pictures after the first child or two, but I plan otherwise. We will still celebrate and document your smiles, your grimaces, your little teeth poking through, your first steps. That is until you run faster than my shutter can keep up.
Your brothers are excited to meet you. They ask me often when you are coming. We made you birthday breakfast yesterday and toasted to your coming, celebrating that you’d soon be with us. You, unfortunately didn’t grace us with your presence yet but since we found out about you we decided to make a party out of it.
Micah is rather concerned that you don’t have socks on your feet. He doesn’t want your toes to be cold. You know his voice, the one that sings you “Shinkle, Shinkle Little Stawr” to make you feel “SOOO happy”. And he’s waiting to pounce on you with nuggles and tisses. He will have to get used to not being the baby but he will love you tenderly and care for you deeply.
Lucas assumes your coming is imminent. “Maybe he’ll come RIGHT NOW!” All the Grade 1s cannot believe you aren’t here yet. He is older now and wants to hold you all on his own and read you stories. He wanted you to be a girl at first so he could protect you but now is quite happy that you, as a boy, can join his rescue squad and Lego Building team. He will, nevertheless, be a fierce protector for you and a relentless teacher.
I know now, on the inside, it must sound like a lot of commotion out here, and you get elbowed a lot during story time. That may not change actually but I hope you’ll grow to love it. I hope the commotion grows just a little bit louder with your little voice in the mix, laughing and jabbering and collaborating. My dream is that you three boys will be best of friends. No one will understand your third culture life the way your brothers will. You can have secret languages wherever you go and built in friends and protectors. It is my prayer that you three will band together, a cord of three strands.
We didn’t know if we’d have you. Were three kids in the same room too many, three car seats in the back of a rental car too hard, three little people too hard to juggle in airplanes and customs and other countries? It is easy to make you fit in Canada, easy to spread out but overseas it isn’t the same. But God knew. He knew you’d fit perfectly, like a missing puzzle piece in the picture of our family. And we are so very glad.
You are taking your time coming. We thought you’d be here early and now the days keep ticking by. But for now, my body is your home and you are welcome to stay as long as you are comfortable and safe. That’s the way it will stay. You are always welcome to find safety in my arms, Little One. Day or night. Little or big. That’s my job and my delight as your Mommy.
Our departure date will have to shift now. We can’t get our paperwork and your vaccines in the time we have left. But we’ll continue to wait–for you to be born, for you to tie your shoes at the door, for you to choose which flavour ice cream you’d like. I know many times we’ll rush you when we shouldn’t, but we’ll try to be patient and let you take your time.
Little One, many are praying for you and loving you already. You are blessed to be anxiously waited for. We can’t wait to meet you and kiss you and find out just what a treasure you really are.